Mama Said There'll Be Days Like This...

I woke up late today and found a shirt out of the dirty clothes (please let's not pretend this only happens once in a blue moon for me). Drove to school, forgot I had a meeting. You know the beginning to this story...like so many days in my life. I got to school and quickly realized that 2 of the butterfly caterpillars had escaped because some whirling dervish had knocked over a container. I also had thrown a mealworm pupa yesterday-I got scared and threw it while screaming like a little girl...but that's a different story. So there were a smattering of loose insects in the room this morning. I offered a reward if anyone found a caterpillar or pupa and sure enough we found all of them and it only cost me three jolly ranchers. So minutes after the first bell all of the insects had been found and we settled into the normal Tuesday morning, you know..."I can't find my library book.", "He said I was a hobo.", "They were looking at me."

At about 9:30, The Nanny (you know Fran Drescher) shouts, "Ms. A. a caterpillar is missing" and it is at this point in my life that I get to explain to 18 7-year olds that being ground into a carpet underneath a dirty sneaker is really quite a quick and painless way to go if you are a caterpillar. That silly caterpillar escaped twice and didn't live to tell about the second getaway attempt.

While this drama is going on another caterpillar has attached itself to the side (not to the top, like they are supposed to!) of the cup and is now swinging precariously. Gabriela, in all of her well-meaningness, showed everyone and in the process detached the chrysalis from the side of the cup so now the poor thing is rolling around in caterpillar chow and little poop balls. I googled what to do in a crisis such as this and the answer was to hot glue, YES HOT GLUE! the chrysalis to a piece of paper and attached it to the top of the enclosure. After looking at several detailed instructions, pictures and even a youtube video I felt confident in my chrysalis gluing skills. I valiantly took out the hot glue gun and girded my loins for a triumph over gravity. I put the glue dot on a post it, waited exactly 15 seconds and then tried to push the tip of the chrysalis (which I learned was the creamster in all of my googling) into the hot glue. As soon as I touched it the chrysalis started to wiggle and I yelped in surprise. I reviewed the pictures and directions and steeled my self for another try. I once again put the dot of glue, counted to 15, and stuck that chrysalis into the glue with confidence. As soon as I did it started to have convulsions so I again freaked out and tried to take it off convinced that I would find some other way using dental floss, double sided tape, spit, and a prayer. Instead of taking it out of the glue which was my intention I pushed it in and it stuck in that glue sideways. In essence, this lifesaving event now looks like a preschool art project. My hope is that it turns out ok and that I don't have to pay for post-traumatic stress therapy for the butterfly or myself!

The next encounter with the physical world that was shocking and unexpected was that a bird flew into the classroom and as you would imagine every child started to shriek like the world was ending. The bird in response flew out of a window...or at least tried to fly out of a window. Instead it hit a closed window and was stunned, then it started flopping around like a seizure patient. At this precise moment in time, all of the first graders came tromping back in and were surprised by a bird in their way. The poor bird finally made it out of the classroom but it was an exciting few minutes before anyone could focus on math again.

At the end of the day, driving home, I was reflecting about my poor luck with living creatures. All day long I had been fussing because my shirt just didn't feel right. I looked down and noticed the my shirt was on backwards. I thought that I had gotten lucky and picked a clean(ish) one out of the dirty laundry but alas no I just had the dirty side in the back. Like the title implies, "There'll be days like this, my mama said."

The "J" Word

A short glimpse of a conversation held today:

Tuesday, 3:45 pm (10 minutes past the bell)
Ms. A.: So are you riding the bus today?
Sharpay: No.
Ms. A.: So is your mom coming to pick you up?
Sharpay: I don't know.
Ms. A.: Ok, well I guess I will just stand here and wait with you...(awkward silence) Do you have any plans for spring break?
Sharpay: We are going to visit my aunt.
Ms. A.: Really, where does she live.
Sharpay: In the "J" word.
Ms. A.: The "J" word?
Sharpay: Yeah, the "J" word...you know JAIL.
Ms. A.: Oh, that "J" word...(again awkward silence).

Pooh-pahs

How is it you may ask that a single, good-looking, witty, commitment free individual such as myself becomes an attached, still good-looking, and highly committed individual in ONE DAY. Well let me tell you...it begins and ends with 2nd grade life science and the insects that are the focus of my instruction and my life for the next 3 months of my life. In one day, ONE DAY, I became the proud parent of 200 meal worms, 50 silkworm eggs, 50 milkweed bug eggs, and 9 butterfly larva (yes those are caterpillars). As I am writing this I am resisting attaching pictures of my newly acquired and much loved progeny as proud parents are want to do on blogs. I know that experiencing the world around them is a huge piece of a child's development...however as I sat with cottonballs, twigs, tubing, egg cartons, vials, plastic baggies, sachets of sunflower seeds, hideously smelling butterfly food, a syringe, a hole punch, and a pea green powder called "Silkworm Chow" (that I have to cook and press until it is a tofu like texture !?!) I thought maybe I am experiencing my world way more than my precious 7 year-olds. So after several weeks of preparation and teaching, re-teaching, and re-re-teaching the life cycle of insects, one of my students is showing his mom around the science center during teacher conferences and keeps saying, "These are mealworms next they will be pooh-pahs" Tomorrow's lesson: Pronunciation of the life cycle starting with pupa.

Statistically Speaking...

When 17 out of 18 kids listen to directions it is an excellent percentage...statistically speaking. However, even when 94 percent of the kids listen there is a margin of error in direction following. It seems as though that one kid who doesn't listen really doesn't listen. After a day of St. Patrick's Day word searches, nacho cheese, and science projects I was doing some self-reflection walking about in a daze around Home Depot. I thought of my day and realized that it would have been a little less chaotic and a lot less exciting if every kid had listened. I don't know how to be more clear and I don't know how to make my directions any more followable. I only know that one kid (and unfortunately not always the same kids) just doesn't listen. So a great big thank you to the kid who did not hear my directions when I said, "Please do not cut the computer cord with the safety scissors.", "Please do not empty your milkshake into the recycle bin.", "Please do not shake the ant farm.", "Please do not spill the mealworms all over the floor and then scream like the world is coming to an end.", "Please do not glue your face to the table.", "Please do not lick your foot or shoe.", or "Please do not eat the graham crackers out of the science experiment." Like I said an exciting day in Room 15...statistically speaking.

Sometimes in life...

As the title begins, sometimes in life you have a chance to reflect upon the reasons you do things....I had such an opportunity today. I was searching throughout all of my classroom cabinets at 7:15pm for a plastic baggie. I realized that I had been at school for 12 hours and now was getting close to frantic looking for a baggie and to what end you may ask....well...this baggie was ABSOLUTELY necessary because I ABSOLUTELY had to save the tiny pieces of confetti from the bottom of the three hole punch. Not only did I have to save these little circles, I felt compelled to find all the three hole punches and diligently collect the chads. I was filled with a sense of excitement (I did just use the word excitement in relation to bits of paper) when I thought of the goofy rectangle bits in the binding machine in the work room, I was gleeful as I planned all the things I could hole punch that would produce multiple colors and shades of small cirlcles. Yes, I know. Crazy! It was after I had ransacked my cabinets and dug through about 3 drawers that I stopped suddenly and thought, "Why in the world am I so desperate to save these colorful bits of joy?" I realized that this need to collect for the somedays, the next years, and the unknowables is what separates the primary grade teachers from the rest of civilized society. So here's to all the people who have bought Christmas craft supplies in April, spent more than 10 dollars at the Target dollar spot, have a tubbie labeled "Future Crafts?", have reclaimed something from a trashcan in someone else's room (Hey, I needed those magazines for collage project), or have gone through with their half baked idea to save used bottle caps, crayon bits, aluminum foil pieces, fabric scraps or even the paper bits from the three hole punch for the next great craft project, the next Mother's Day gift, or the next unknown.

Please Do Not Pee on the Fence....Again.

Welcome to my blog. Or should I say...my both awkward and amazing adventures documented on this very blog. I teach 1/2 grade at an awesome school and a lot of the posts will be about my observations and wonderings about time spent there. I have noticed a trend in the young married (and usually babied...that's not a word!) people starting blogs which star their new families, new homes, new progeny, new pets, and new revelations....seeing as I only rarely have new revelations and none of the other things then this should be a great way to pass the time between avoiding college work and the next episode of Cash Cab.

Since you have already read to this point I assume that you want to know what the title of this inaugural blog is all about....so here goes.

One day I returned from recess in my usual post-recess bliss (ok more like....pre-math fog) and I saw Mrs. Gorf, the recess monitor, standing by my line. As soon as I see Mrs. Gorf a litany of oh-no's start running through my head because I know that if Mrs. Gorf is standing by MY line then it must mean that one of my precious little bugs have committed some grievous and unforgivable crime. I slowly trudge towards my impending fate and as I make that long walk across the ball strewn blacktop I see Mrs. Gorf scribbling furiously on a canary yellow piece of paper. I know from past experiences that those dreadfully bright pieces of paper mean referrals and that I will spend the next 10 minutes of my life determining who stole who's ball and what Troy (you know from HSM) did or did not say to Sharpay (giving kids nicknames in my mind helps me pass the time between 3:25 and 3:30). So I walk up prepared to take the referral like an adult and not shirk under the glare of Mrs. Gorf. She hands me the canary paper and it says Reason for Referral: Banditos was peeing on the fence. I took it with a straight face assured Mrs. Gorf that I would take care of the problem and it would never happen again. On the trek from the blacktop to Room 15 I asked my dear Banditos why he peeded on the fence and he looked up at me in all of his 7 year old wisdom and said, "Ms. A. I peed because I had to and I didn't want to stop playing." And to this I said as I say over and over again.... "Please go wash your hands" and then as an afterthought I shook my head in wonderment over 2nd grade logic and said "Please do not pee on the fence....again."