Awkward and Amazing Adventures: The ShamWow Chronicles

A view of the clean fish tank

If you haven’t read the first installment of the ShamWow Chronicles, you should. As some of you know, I am not always the greatest planner…in other words I have some impulse control issues. I just see something and do it instead of taking time to stop and think. Such was the case on Sunday….or as I like to call it…The Fishtank Fiasco.
In our living room, we have a 30 gallon tank with 6 huge goldfish (Rack, Shack, Dennis, Dorothy, Nemo, and Dori…it’s what happens with 4 years olds name them) and 1 fat frog named Groucho. Occasionally the fish tank becomes clouded with all sorts of particulate matters. This was such the case because of poor filter and crummy food. Anyway, being buoyed by the success of the previous day (we installed carpet) I was in the “Takin’ Care of Business” frame of mind. So I set to cleaning out the tank, which is quite the process.

I found all the materials and got going. The worst part of the job is sucking on the tube to start the suction hose….I never seem to not get a mouth full of fish water-gross I know. I filled up a container then started filling the five gallon bucket to empty the tank. I carefully scooped out the fish and frog into another container. I then started scraping the sides of the tank with a razor blade and congratulating myself on a job well started.

I was scraping and daydreaming, when all of a sudden it sounded like the shower was on…not thinking anything of it I kept scraping until my foot got wet. As you can imagine it is hard to keep an eye on both ends of the suction tube and scrape the sides of the tank. Water was pouring out of the bucket and all over the living room. I (being a quick thinker) grabbed the hose and put it in the container the fish were in and that is when my good judgment ended. Somehow, I got the door open and then started to move the five-gallon bucket that was overflowing. However, between the door and the bucket was the hose still emptying the fish tank. As you can foresee, and I failed to, when I started to drag the overfull bucket towards the door it caught on the hose and the hose started to spray everywhere! I dropped the bucket-no matter the carpet was already wet and grabbed the hose. I corralled it and stuck it flowing back to the tank so now there is a full bucket, a full fish container, a square yard of soaked carpet, and me looking like a slightly disoriented drowned rat.

Remembering the garbage disposal incident of ’09, I ran out to the garage to get the ShamWows forgetting that we couldn’t walk on the carpet that we had installed the day before. So I run over it and then get the Shamwows but don’t want to feel guilty walk on it again to get inside. I walked barefoot around to the front of the house through the weeds, dirt, and ouchies. I soaked up the water using the Shamwows, emptied the bucket and then started the draining again. As I mentioned before I drank a little fish water on accident.

If I didn’t believe in overachieving in everything I do (ha) I would have stopped there but oh no! I finish emptying the tank with only a few more minor spills. I took out the rocks and carried the fish tank outside. While washing the fabric that goes under it I thought I would get the hose and spray out the inside. Let me paint this picture for you….Front steps, open door, hose, tank on steps, me, sprayer nozzle. If you are moderately intelligent, I imagine that you know these pieces make up a mess. I started gently spraying the tank out and as space out thinking about orange marmalade, the evils of high fructose corn syrup, orangutans, tomorrow…you get the idea. I am spraying, spraying, spraying and then I realize that not only am I thoroughly washing the tank I am also spraying the water through the open door into the living room and have been for several minutes. Again ShamWows to the rescue!

After mopping up enough potable water to last a small country a week, I successfully fill the tank, move the fish, and call it a day. Looking around at the chaos scattered around the greater part of the house, I could only smile and say "Wow"