The Casa Del Fuego has been under siege by the most distasteful insects in the entire world (after scorpions but tied with cockroaches and Missouri june bugs). For those of you who don’t know what an earwig is then you should say a thank you, kiss your mama, and pray that you never have to witness the horror that they are.
I’m not sure what is the worst thing about them; the sick way they wiggle when they move, how they just won’t die even after you crush them, the pincher butts-which really do hurt, or the urban myths that everyone has about a friend’s friend that got one lodged in their ear and then they had to go to the hospital and have it removed after it ate their brain and laid eggs in their nasal cavity. I think it’s clear by this point how I feel about them…obviously not a big fan.
I lived in distasteful ambivalence for most of my life. Until June 2011, the month in which they attacked the things that I hold dear. The earwigs invaded our pumpkin garden, which most of you know is something that I value above most things, and my bed which is just plain uncalled for and unnecessary. Catherine and I retaliated with a show of force.
My dad says, "Only boring people get bored". In retrospect, this is probably his way to get us to stop complaining about being bored but it's a mantra that I have lived by. I try to make most things that are dreary into a game or competition. Cathrine is a good sport and puts up with the endless games of "How Many Pomegranates Can We Dissect In A Given Time", "How Long Can We Wait Until We Do Dishes", and "I Bet I Can Do More 'Chubby Bunny' Marshmallows Than You". For this competition the rules were as follows: Each contestant gets 5 self-made traps of their choosing to use for 5 days, to be placed in locations around the pumpkin plants. The winner to be determined by daily body count. The winner gets a hand made certificate declaring them the Ultimate Earwig Killer and a McDonald's hot fudge sundae.
I did a significant amount of research and found that most forums suggest a combination of oil, fish oil, beer, soy sauce, corn syrup, and/or dish soap. I put a little bit of everything in mine in varying concoctions. Catherine decided to experiment with height and the difference between canola oil and extra virgin olive oil. We placed our cups and then waited. I ended up going to Arizona but Catherine carefully documented and counted the bodies. After the first night the death count was Adrielle- 32; Catherine-2. The big winner was the soap, oil, and high fructose corn syrup trifecta. What we really decided is that it came down to location. Because I get home earlier than Catherine I do the watering and so I had scoped out all the places that were being ravaged by the earwigs.
Catherine's Multi-height Hypothesis
Clearly scientific in our investigations (or killings)
Another view of mine.
Here were Catherine’s results after the first day.
1 - Canola oil and tuna (short): 0
2 - Canola oil and tuna (med): 0
3 - Canola oil and tuna (tall): 0
4 - EVOO and tuna (med): 1
5 - EVOO and tuna (short): 1
Mostly ants and one earwig.
And mine.
1 - EVOO, Soy Sauce, Tuna: 0
2 - EVOO, Soy Sauce, Corn Syrup: 1
3 - EVOO, Corn Syrup: 1
4 - EVOO, Beer: 9
5 - EVOO, Corn Syrup, dish soap: 22
Take that suckers. Basically that's what you get for eating my pumpkins.
After the first day, I went to Arizona and Catherine was in charge. When I returned we reset the traps and in total Catherine had killed around 30 and I had killed 92. Even though I won, the real losers were the earwigs.
August Update: I was out in the garden puttering. I tore out the sunflower and corn bed because they were done. As I was turning over the soil I found that they had come back with a vengeance. Since Catherine is gone I guess I will just kill them solo..less fun but hopefully it will save the new pumpkin that I just planted.
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